Month: June 2013

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There's A Hole In My Sidewalk

My pastor recently read us this short, five-chapter story as a way to explain the progression of temptation in each of our lives.
hole in sidewalk

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

So many of you have written to us lately that you feel trapped in patterns of sin. For you the image of sin being like a hole you’ve fallen into and must struggle to get out of probably makes a lot sense. That’s how sin feels, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why Isaiah 38:17 describes our lives without God as a "pit of destruction."

If you’re in a pit of sin, whether you’ve fallen in willingly or unwillingly, it’s so important for you to understand that you don’t have to stay there. But just like avoiding that hole in the sidewalk, it’s also important for you make the hard choices necessary to avoid the sin pit the next time it’s in your path.

The Bible describes the sidewalk scenario this way:

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death (James 1:14–15).

Let’s break that down …

First, we desire something that is outside of God’s best. Maybe it’s a desire to find our worth in what others think of us or a desire to be noticed by the guys around us. Maybe we desire more stuff or revenge or for the world to revolve around us just for a minute.

Those desires may not exactly be "sinful," but they open a hole in the sidewalk. We find ourselves in trouble when we willingly walk toward it.

Sin happens when we jump into that hole. We start doing whatever it takes to get noticed, and suddenly we are trapped in sexual sin or wrapped up in gossip or pride because we fed our desire for attention. We sit at the bottom of the pit of selfishness or unforgivneness because we allowed our desire for those things to change our behavior.

And the pit is dark. And we are afraid. And if we stay there we will face death—death of potential, death of relationships, death of intimacy with the One who died to save us from the "pit of destruction."

This is why we must always be on the lookout for holes in the sidewalk—traps that would lure us into sin. It is also why when we find ourselves trapped by sin, we must turn and run down a different street. The Bible says that this way:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13).

God has promised that He will always, always, always provide another street for you to walk down. You don’t have to keep walking down the same path and falling into the same pit. You don’t have to climb out on your own either. God has provided a way out.

So what are the holes in your sidewalk? What are the desires swirling in your head right now that make you vulnerable to the "pit of destruction"? Let me encourage you to take that question to God through prayer, and ask Him to show you if you’re walking toward a hole.

And if you’re already in the hole, even if you’ve been in the hole a really long time, be encouraged that God’s Word says that God will give you a way out. You do not have to stay in the pit. True, it will likely require you to walk down a whole new street. You will have to choose a radical change in direction. New streets can be scary and uncomfortable, but they sure beat life in a hole. How is God encouraging you to choose a new street?

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A Call to Live Like People Matter

As I read the Gospels, one fact is undeniable to me—Jesus valued people. Over and over He allowed Himself to be stopped, inconvenienced, and used by the people around Him.

There was the time He retreated to a mountain hideout for some much needed rest only to be chased down by a crowd of needy seekers. What did Jesus do? He healed them. Then there was the time He was literally on his way to heal a sick girl when another woman grabbed His robe and got His attention. He stopped and tended to her need. There was the time He went way out of His way to heal a demon-possessed man that others saw as a lost cause. Oh, and there were the children Jesus urged to come to Him even though they seemed to pull Him away from His many ministry responsibilities . . .

To be honest, the fact that Jesus always seemed to make time for others doesn’t always sit well with me. That’s because valuing people isn’t one of my strong suits. I tend to elevate tasks and schedules and crossing items off of my to-do lists. These things fit nicely into the boxes I draw for how I want my life to look. In contrast, valuing people requires much of my time and energy. It’s often messy. It rarely sticks to a schedule.

Valuing people means adopting an overt willingness to be inconvenienced. It means doing things that cannot be measured. It means developing relationships based on who people really are and not who we want them to be.

My son, Eli, had a meltdown recently because we had other families over to our house, and they messed up his room. Just that morning he had spent hours making his room neat and tidy. I was trying to explain the value of sharing, friendship, and hospitality (this writer momma can be a little wordy!) when my husband simply said, “Son, people are more important than our stuff.”

Bingo!

That’s what valuing people looks like. It means accepting a dirty house because people have been loved, cared for, and entertained within the walls of your home. It means accepting a schedule in flux because you are determined to make time for others whenever necessary. It means considering the tasks on your to-do list less important than the people you’re doing them for. It means measuring success through relationships—not how neat and tidy your life looks.

I’ve got much to learn in this area, but I recognize that at the end of my life I want people to say I lived like Jesus—that means I must value people. As I’ve urged the Lord to grow me in this area, I’ve asked myself these questions. Ask them of yourself and consider this: Do I value people?

  1. When someone calls me unexpectedly, do I accept their call or call them back ASAP or ignore them because I’m in the middle of something “more important?”
  2. At the end of the day, do I measure my value by a) what I was able to accomplish, or b) who I was able to love well?
  3. For you mommas . . . when your children ask you to play with them, do you usually do it, or do you usually dismiss them because you have laundry to do, dishes to wash, and dinner to cook?
  4. Do I have time set aside when I “do ministry” (such as teach Sunday school or lead a Bible study), or am I willing to minister to others whenever the opportunity arises?
  5. Do I make a habit of going out of my way for others?

We are unlikely to value others as freely and often as Jesus did, but we should pay close attention to the fact that He lived like people were important to Him (because they are!). To be more like Him, we must do the hard work to follow His example.

Do you live like people matter? What’s one thing you can do today to be more like Christ in this area?

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Snapshots of Persecution Happening Right Now

Yesterday, Paula wrapped up her series from the Beatitudes by focusing in on persecution. If you missed that post, be sure to check it out here.

prisoner's hands clasped in prayerI loved the post, but can I be honest? Persecution is a reality that gives me the willies. I don’t like to think about the persecution the disciples faced after Jesus’ death (like the fact that they were stoned, imprisoned, and eventually killed!). I squirm when I consider Jesus’ words that persecution is a blessing, because to be honest it’s hard for me to see it that way. Safety feels like a blessing. Freedom of religion feels like a blessing. But persecution? That seems much more like a curse.

And so sometimes I try to convince myself that persecution is a thing of the past. Maybe Jesus was simply talking to the members of the early church when He uttered "blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you." It’s a warm and fuzzy theory, but the reality is that Christians are being persecuted right now. I’ve gathered a few of their stories. Let me encourage you to read them, pray for them, and ask God to give you wisdom to see how God is working in the midst of the persecution they face.

The Deadliest Place To Be a Christian

I was struck by this article when it came across my Twitter feed several weeks ago. It details the horrible conditions faced by Christians in Nigeria. Nigeria is a small country located on the west coast of Africa. Christians there face extreme danger, and many have been killed.

Here are some fast facts:

  • Last year, Nigerians alone accounted for almost 70 percent of Christians killed globally, making Nigeria the deadliest place to be a Christian.
  • In 2012 more than 900 Nigerian Christians were killed because of their faith. 
  • The destruction and burning of churches, Christian homes, and businesses is common practice in Nigeria. 
  • Christian neighborhoods are denied basic services such as roads and sewers.

An American Pastor Imprisoned In Iran

Pastor Saeed Abedini is an American citizen. His wife and two small children live in Idaho, and yet, right this moment, Saeed is sitting in a prison around the globe in Tehran, Iran.

Officially Saeed’s crime was "threatening national security" by leading house churches in Iran several years ago. He has been sentenced to eight years in prison for his role in pastoring home churches. He has been tortured during his imprisonment.

Despite all that he faces, reports indicate that Saeed is experiencing the blessing that Jesus promised concerning persecution.

"Despite his suffering, Pastor Saeed’s faith continues to keep him alive," his attorneys say. "Other prisoners reportedly told Saeed’s family that when Pastor Saeed was released from solitary confinement, ‘he was glowing,’ and that miraculously he ‘was filled with more joy and peace after solitary’ than he was before solitary."

You can write Pastor Saeed a letter or sign the petition for his release here.

Texas Cheerleaders Fight To Show Their Faith

Much closer to home a squad of Texas cheerleaders had to fight hard this year in order to showcase their faith. Cheerleaders at Kountze High School in Kountze, TX, were forbidden from putting religious slogans such as "If God is for us, who can be against us" on banners for games. They fought the ruling, went to court, and were eventually granted the right to place slogans and Bible verses on the banners again.

While it’s true these girls didn’t face angry mobs intent on burning down their churches, murdering them for their faith, or throwing them in prison, they did face opposition because of their faith. They were told to be silent about their beliefs in God and ordered to keep the Bible out of their everyday activities in their public high school. They are a great example of the fact that Christians should expect persecution, even if they live in an all-American town in Texas. Standing up for their faith against school officials and in the midst of what eventually became a full-blown lawsuit likely wasn’t easy, but they did it. Would you have the guts to do the same?

These are just snapshots of a reality in all four corners of the globe. Jesus meant what He said when He predicted "and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake" (Matt. 10:22), and we have the choice to see persecution as the blessing Jesus does or to avoid it at all costs.

With that in mind, here are a few questions to consider:

  • What can you do to be a blessing to those who are being persecuted for their faith right now?
  • Have you faced persecution in your own life? How did you respond?
  • Do you see persecution as a blessing?
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Loose Lips Sink Families

“Loose lips sink ships.” They also have a way of sinking entire families. Don’t believe me? Just ask Zeresh or Potiphar’s wife or the many wives of Solomon.

These were wives who did not hold their tongues. They are wives who whispered unwise words into the ears of their husbands. As a result, they are wives who watched their husbands lose fortunes, favor, and even their lives. Here are their stories . . .

Solomon’s Wives
Solomon started out as a man zealous for the Lord. As a result, God blessed his socks off (1 Kings 4:29–34), but Solomon eventually turned to false gods. What led him astray? Was it his wealth? His power? His celebrity status? Nope. It was his wives. 1 Kings 11:3–4 records,

“He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after others gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God.”

Solomon’s wives encouraged him to turn away from God. Solomon listened. As a result God tore his kingdom from him (1 Kings 11:31).

Potiphar’s Wife
Potiphar’s wife was a pot stirrer. She liked to cause drama, and she liked to draw her husband into the fray. In Genesis 39 she famously tried to entice Joseph to sleep with her. When he refused she lied to her husband, stirred things up, and pushed her husband’s hot buttons. We all know Joseph was imprisoned as a result, but Potiphar may have endured a worse blow. In Genesis 39:5 we read that it was because of Joseph’s presence that Potiphar’s home was so blessed. We can assume that when Joseph was gone, so was God’s favor. Potiphar’s wife blocked God’s blessings with her scheming.

Haman’s Wife, Zeresh
Zeresh’s story is truly a cautionary tale. Her husband was Haman, the chief official of King Ahasuerus. The more famous wife in this story is Esther, the king’s wife who saved her people from annihilation. Sadly, Zeresh did not play such an honorable or admirable role. Esther 5:14 records,

“Then his wife Zeresh and all his friends said to him, ‘Let a gallows fifty cubits high be made, and in the morning tell the king to have Mordecai hanged upon it. Then go joyfully with the king to the feast.’”

Zeresh was encouraging her man to make a power grab (after all he deserved it!). As he confessed his frustration with Mordecai, she fed the flames and urged him to do something about it. She stroked his ego and said what he wanted to hear. Haman liked her idea and ran with it, but Zeresh had dished out bad advice. Haman was hung on the very gallows his wife encouraged him to build (Esther 7:10).

These are not happy marriage tales. There are no happily ever afters here, but there is a theme we should pay attention to. In each story, a husband made a disastrous decision (or a series of disastrous decisions). His choices were his own, and he faced the consequences God dealt him. But in each case, there was a wife in the wings encouraging her man to do wrong. The woman (or women) behind each great man failed to speak wise words and then had to watch as their husbands fell hard.

Then There’s You . . .
Lean in, listen close ladies. Your husband listens to what you say. So do your sons and the other men in your circle of influence. I realize this may not always feel like it’s true. I know there are times you feel you repeat yourself constantly or that the men in your life just tune you out, but it’s more likely that your words are having a huge impact. Eventually, those words are likely to translate into actions. With that truth in mind, it is important for us to evaluate what we say and make sure it is wise, helpful, encouraging, and a right reflection of who God wants our men to be.

This is not an easy thing to do. It requires us to weigh our words and make sure they are worth saying. Sometimes it requires us to keep our mouth shut. It also requires us to avoid the landmines stepped on by the women I mentioned above. We must:

  • Avoid tugging his heart toward something other than the Lord.
  • Resist the urge to stir the pot.
  • Ditch the desire to stroke his ego or push his buttons for a reaction.
  • Stay calm when he is riled up or angry with others.
  • Steer clear of the temptation to encourage him to grab power or position outside of the Lord’s timing.

For both men and women, our words have tremendous power. They can motivate others to live more like Christ or be exactly the push they need to make choices that are less than God-honoring. With that sobering reality in mind, consider how you talk to the men in your world and ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I think about what I say before I say it?
  • Do my words encourage and equip toward righteousness?
  • Am I a wife and a mother who encourages wise or foolish action?
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Should I Submit To My Boyfriend?

girl making a heart finger frame"Should I submit to my boyfriend?"

That’s the question that one of the smart readers of this blog submitted recently. To be honest, it’s a bit of a stumper. Since a boyfriend is not the same as a husband, isn’t submission in that relationship a bit misplaced? Part of me thinks yes! But since I see dating as preparation for marriage (as opposed to just having fun), is it reasonable to think a girl could disregard what the Bible teaches about submission while dating then suddenly flip a switch after saying "I do"? Hmmm … that’s a little trickier.

Those same questions may be swirling in your mind as you consider how to act in your own dating relationship (now or in the future). If so, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Your boyfriend is not your husband.

You may really, really like your boyfriend. He may have everything you are looking for in a future husband. The two of you may have even talked about getting married. But none of that is the same as actually being married.

The reality is that break-ups happen. They happen to couples who love each other very much. They happen to couples who were sure they would be together forever. Break-ups can even happen after a couple becomes engaged. (Here are two stories where that’s exactly what happened: "Lessons Learned From a Cancelled Wedding" and "Hope for Broken Hearts."

As you consider your relationship with your boyfriend, it is critical to keep in mind that he is not your husband. There is no place in Scripture that places a boyfriend as an authority over a girlfriend—likely because there is no guarantee that this is a permanent relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you can disregard everything your boyfriend says or treat him with disrespect. Ephesians 5:21 urges all Christians to submit to each other because of our loyalty to Christ. (By the way, if your boyfriend is not a Christian, please take time to read this post. It is always a good idea to treat others with love, respect, and consideration. However, don’t fall for the temptation to "play house" with your boyfriend and pretend that you are already husband and wife. The guidelines the Bible offers for married couples are just that—for married couples.

God has given you arenas to learn submission.

How’s a girl supposed to learn submission if she doesn’t submit to her boyfriend? God’s Word has that answer covered.

Ephesians 6:2 says, "‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise)."

Hebrews 13:17 says, "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you."

Another way to think of submission is to respect, defer to, or honor. Marriage is not the only relationship where we are called to submit. You are clearly called to honor and submit to your parents. In fact, this is really the classroom where God intends for you to learn biblical submission. He also calls you to honor and obey your spiritual authorities. This could include your pastor, youth pastor, or mentor.

Do you find it difficult to submit to your parents? Do you tend to disregard it when your youth pastor calls out your sin or challenges you to live more Christ-like? Don’t be fooled into thinking that submission will be easier when you’re married. It will not. Make a habit of respecting others and deferring to those whom God has placed in authority over you now instead of assuming it will come more naturally later.

Remember what submission is all about.

The Bible clearly calls wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:22–24:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

This passage gives us a hint about why submission really matters. Marriage is to be a picture of Christ and the church. Paul really hammers this point home a few verses later.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32).

Submission isn’t about power trips. It’s about putting the mystery of the gospel on display. When you submit to your husband someday in marriage, you’ll be showing the world what it means for the Church to willingly surrender to the Lordship of Christ. That’s big stuff!

But you don’t have to be married to determine to let your relationships put Jesus on display. Look for ways to honor and glorify God in all of your relationships, including your dating relationships. Speak with kindness. Forgive freely. Run away from sexual sin. These are ways you can showcase Christ without treating your boyfriend like a husband.

"Should I submit to my boyfriend" is a good question. Perhaps an even better question is, "How can I use my relationship with my boyfriend to most honor God?" I’ll let you answer that one. Leave us a comment, and tell us what you think.

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A Soldier's Wife Redefines Marriage

Widow of WWII Soldier Waits Over 60 Years For the Love of Her Life – Tear Jerker! from joylights on GodTube.

The video above is a real tearjerker. The first time I watched it, I thought it was simply a Hallmark-card-like take of a soldier’s wife who understood sacrifice, patriotism, and loss. I suppose it is a story about those things, but one thing that the soldier’s wife said landed like a dart in my heart …

"Billy was married to me all of his life, and I chose to be married to him all of my life."

Gulp.

The truth is, the woman in this story had only been married six weeks when her new husband shipped off to war. She never saw him again. Before they even celebrated their first anniversary, he was gone and she was left as a wife without a husband to hold, to be loved by, to build a life with.

It doesn’t sound like a very happy ending, but the soldier’s wife seems to have learned a lesson about marriage that we all need to know.

The goal of marriage isn’t to make us happy.

Sure, it’s possible to be happily married, but feeling happy isn’t the barometer we should use to decide if marriage is good. Did the soldier’s wife have a "happy" marriage? I would guess not, since the majority of her marriage was spent alone. But she was faithful. Perhaps she knows the truth that the Bible spells out in Ephesians 5:31–32.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

She faithfully loved one man her whole life even though he could not offer the same love in return. Does that portray Christ’s love for us, His Church? You betcha! She chose to keep her promise even when her husband failed to be able to keep his. Sound like a little like what Jesus did for us? Yes. It does.

In Lies Young Women Believe, Nancy and Dannah wrote about the mystery this way:

God did not design marriage to make you happy, but to glorify Himself. If you approach marriage in God’s timing and with a pure heart, it will likely prove to be one of the most wonderful experiences and gifts of your life. However, God’s ultimate purpose in marriage is not to make you happy. It is to glorify Himself.

When you look to a relationship with a guy to make you happy, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and potentially for disaster.

So … grab a box of Kleenexes, and watch that video one more time. This time ask yourself these questions:

  • If you were the soldier’s wife, would you have waited faithfully for a lifetime?
  • How do you think this story would be different if the wife looked to marriage to make her happy?
  • When you think about your future marriage, are you more concerned with how it will make you happy or how it will make you holy?
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I'm Sending You On A Scavenger Hunt

I’ve always loved scavenger hunts. That’s why I’m sending you on one.
woman with magnifying glass

Your assignment? Find the best quotes from the book Lies Young Women Believe or from posts on this site. We will turn your favorite quotes into shareable images for use on this blog and on additional sites like Pinterest and Facebook. Our hope is to create a ripple effect where God’s truth is shared through outlets we haven’t tapped before.

So … here’s what you do.

  1. Find your favorite quotes from this book or blog. We recommend you do some digging in our archives. There’s gold in them thar hills!
  2. Leave us a comment with the quote(s) below. We will pass them on to our graphic artists who will turn them into images that we can share. (You can share them too!)
  3. Be sure to tell us who said the quote (Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Dannah Gresh, Erin Davis, etc) and where it’s from (either the book or the blog). 
  4. Keep in mind that shorter is better. Three sentences max.

I hope you find more than just great quotes. I hope you uncover a gob of God’s truth!

Go ahead, and start digging!