The Ministry of Pancakes

I had a toddler at home and a baby in my belly. Most days I was crippled by pregnancy symptoms that made it difficult to put one foot in front of the other.

Can you think of a time when your circumstances were tough? Freeze-frame that memory in your mind for a moment. We’ll come back to it.

I had told some friends at church that I was struggling. Many of them looked at me sweetly and offered a genuine, although not very helpful hug or shoulder squeeze. While it is true that none of them could do anything about my exhaustion, nausea, or fear, I was desperate for someone to do something, anything, to help me.

And then a sweet lady in my church did. She called me late one evening and extended a strange invitation, “When you and Eli get up in the morning, come over in your jammies. I will make you pancakes.”

I could have said no. I could have been too embarrassed to show up sporting my morning look of messy hair and mismatched pajamas. I could have kept my mask of perfection firmly glued on my make-up free face. But the pull of a breakfast I didn’t have to cook on dishes I didn’t have to wash was too much for me. The result was a steaming pile of pancakes loaded with butter and maple syrup, and a morning of ministry to my heart that filled me back up when I was empty.

That was the day I learned about the ministry of pancakes. I’m not talking in code here, not offering some deep theological truth. I’m simply saying we can be a balm to the hurting, the lonely, the sick, and the desperate through the simple gift of

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a hot breakfast. It’s an idea we can trace straight back to Jesus.

In John 21, we find the disciples fishing. Jesus had appeared to the disciples once after His resurrection and then presumably disappeared. Likely more as a coping method than a fish-finding mission, the disciples returned to what they knew: the lake, the boat, the fishing nets worn through with familiarity.

And then in John 21:9, we read that the disciples returned to shore one morning to find the Savior with a fire already burning, fish cooking, and bread ready to eat. “Come have breakfast,” he said (v. 12).

Now, I’ll take a steaming stack of pancakes over a fish breakfast any day, but the fact remains that Jesus tenderly reached out to His hurting and confused disciples through a simple, hot breakfast. Over that breakfast He confirmed His love, clarified their calling, and gave them a chance to clear the air.

In the midst of that He had an interesting conversation with Peter:

“Peter, do you love me?”

“Lord, you can see my heart. You know everything. You know that I love you.”

“Feed my sheep.”

That conversation was layered and private. I wouldn’t begin to try to figure out everything that was said (and unsaid) between Peter and Jesus. But I’ve always thought “Feed my sheep” could be translated this way—prove that you love me by taking care of my flock.

The super spiritual version of that means we are to feed others truth. Peter went on to pastor the Church. He did a lot of lamb feeding that had nothing to do with food. But what if we can boil Jesus’ words down to their simplest possible definition? What if we can love Jesus well by feeding others?

Think back to that hard time I asked you to freeze-frame in your mind. What would a stack of pancakes cooked by a caring friend have meant to you in that season? What would a hot breakfast prepared by loving hands have done for your soul? With that in mind, how could the ministry of pancakes bless someone in your world? How could you be like Jesus this week by simply offering to make someone breakfast?

I suppose those questions could stay rhetorical, but I’d rather they didn’t. I would rather you make a commitment to minister to someone in need through the practical step of cooking them breakfast.

I can’t make that phone call for you or run to your local grocery store to pick up the necessary supplies, but I can take out some guesswork.

Let me know how it goes!

My Very Favorite Buttermilk Pancake Recipe

3 cups flour
3 tablespoons sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1½ teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
3 cups buttermilk
½ cup milk
3 eggs
1/3 cup melted butter

In a large bowl mix dry ingredients. In a separate bowl mix wet ingredients. Blend and drop onto a hot griddle.

Have Mercy!

Catch Encouraging Your Husband to Leadtoday on Revive Our Hearts for a very practical discussion about the ways wives can encourage strength and leadership in their husbands.

Inspired by a great series written by True Woman’s own Paula Hendricks on the beatitudes for the Lies Young Women Believe blog, I’ve been studying Jesus’ teachings in Matthew 5 for several weeks. (What can I say; I’m a bit of a slow learner!) Last week, my studies took me to Matthew 5:7,

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

It is perhaps one of the simplest formulas in all of Scripture. If we show mercy, we get mercy. Easy as that. Mercy means to show compassion to; to bear with; to be lenient toward. I certainly want God to show compassion toward me and to be lenient toward my sin (even though I deserve punishment). Jesus makes it clear that if I want mercy, I better make a habit of dishing it out.

We all like to think of ourselves as merciful, but I had a hunch Jesus didn’t include this statement to make a rhetorical point. Maybe I needed the reminder to practice showing mercy.

With that thought in mind, I decided to ask the Lord who I was not being merciful to. The answer came into my heart in a single beat.

“Your husband.”

Come again, Lord?

“You are not merciful to your husband.”

As I mulled it over, I realized God was right (of course). I am so quick to point out my husband’s shortcomings, so eager to talk to Jason about what he has done wrong. It is so rare for me to offer him slack or to be forbearing toward those habits which I find annoying or frustrating.

Here’s a simple example. In our house, taking out the trash is Jason’s job. He has a little habit of waiting until not another sliver of paper can fit into the can. I could ignore his choice to let the trash overflow. I could take the trash out myself. I could kindly say something like, “Honey, could you please take the trash out?”

But I rarely do. I huff and puff and mention that the trash is overflowing again and that I had to remind him again.

My expressed annoyance may get the trash removed, but it doesn’t demonstrate mercy. Instead, I show my tendency to want to pounce on everything I think my man is doing wrong.

Any wives out there thinking of their own overflowing trash cans right about now? Or the fact that you point it out every single time he comes home a little late for dinner?

Maybe it’s your children you aren’t merciful toward. Do you take every opportunity to point out what they’ve done wrong? Are you quick to remind them of messy rooms or backpacks off the hook, or do you default to loving leniency?

How about your co-workers? Do they have the freedom to mess up, or do you look for reasons to pin them to the wall?

Jesus’ words are a simple formula for all our relationships and interactions. If we want to receive mercy (and we do!) for the many times we miss the mark, fall short, or screw up, we must make a practice of showing mercy to those around us. Even when they make the same mistakes over and over again.

So, let me encourage you to pray the same prayer I prayed after reading Matthew 5:7.

“Jesus, who am I not showing mercy to?”

Listen. And ask Him to give you the strength to extend mercy more often.  

Is It Time to Re-Think Your Family’s Sports Schedule?

From baseball season to fantasy football leagues, sports are tightly woven into the fabric of our culture. Since this is a blog for women, I may not be writing to many die-hard sports fans or professional players, but that doesn’t necessarily mean sports aren’t playing a major role in your life and the rhythm of your family.

A Huffington post article, The Final Four, Travel Teams and Empty Pews, recently asked the question, “Who is winning the competition between sports and religion?” Until I read it, I wasn’t consciously aware that sports and faith had stepped into the same ring, but the numbers I read concerned me:

  • In a study of sixteen declining congregations in the U.S. and Canada, the number one reason cited by clergy and church members for failing attendance was the “secularization of Sunday.” Many church members cited their kids’ sports as being the most critical factor.
  • More than 1/3 of congregants in a separate study said school and sports-related activities was “quite a bit of an issue” when considering their church attendance.
  • About 2/3 of “Easter Christians” polled said they attend church only twice a year because they are too busy with other commitments including kids’ sports programs.  

Shouldn’t someone throw the flag here? Isn’t it time we notice that sports are pulling Christians out of the pews? There is bound to be a ripple effect. Church isn’t just something we do. Church is the artery that pumps blood to so much that is necessary to run the race of faith well. Soccer games and baseball practices are not a good substitute.

The article held up those church leaders who are scrambling to respond to this trend by adding sports programs of their own, creating additional service times, etc. If churches are reaching people for Christ with these methods, I say, “Go team!” But I think it’s important to throw the ball back into the parents’ court and ask a bold question. Do our kids really need to be involved in sports?

Lets think it through for a moment:

  • What do our children really learn through sports involvement?
  • What do our families really gain by enrolling our children in organized sports activities?
  • What is really on the line when our kids miss a lot of church or our family doesn’t attend church together because of sports?

The answers to these questions need to be squeezed through the grid of God’s Word, not just our personal preferences. What is the purpose of parenting anyway? What should be the priority for our families?

I believe as parents we are called to do more than just raise good kids. Our mission is to make disciples. We also need to work hard to show them how to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matt. 6:33). We must teach them how to make God their most important priority.

Can God be your highest priority if you play sports? Sure. I’m not talking about some legalistic line in the sand that asks all Christians to choose between sports and Jesus. But I would like Christian parents to join me in considering whether our children’s activities are contributing to discipleship or simply to busyness.

What does this look like practically? Does it mean all Christians must sit the bench? I don’t think so.

At our house it means we allow our son to play one sport in one league, and we vigilantly guard Sundays so they’re activity-free. Sports still occupy two nights per week for a span of a few months, which applies plenty of pressure to our family calendar. Would my son like to play more? Yes. But we are not willing to divvy up the time and energy that would require.

My little guys are little. I realize that makes me a bit of an armchair quarterback on this issue, but it’s less about rules and more about establishing a family priority. I hesitate to put the cart before the horse and predict what we will do in future parenting seasons, but we plan to fight hard against allowing sports to play too big a role in the lives of our children or family.

More and more leagues are being offered, more and more practices scheduled, more and more pressure applied to our children to excel in sports for one simple reason: there is a demand for these things. If we as Christian parents called a colossal time out and re-evaluated our involvement, it might make a difference in the bigger picture. It might not. But it would certainly make a difference in our children, our families, and our churches.

So, whaddya say parents? Shall we pull out the playbook of God’s Word and hold up our family schedules to it? Shall we stop going along with the sports-crazy crowd and dare to ask if raising good soccer players might be competing with raising sold-out disciples?

It’s a course that might not win us any parenting trophies in our sports-crazy world, but Paul seemed to have known that was coming when he gave us this important thought to consider (utilizing sports language no less!):

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.” (1 Cor. 9:24–25)  

Does your family calendar reflect that you are seeking a perishable or an imperishable crown?

Should You Play Sports?

I read an interesting article recently that pointed out some troubling facts about the role sports is playing in many of our lives. For many of young women, soccerinvolvement in sports or other after-school activities may be in the driver’s seat, and they’re not taking you to a destination you should want to go.

Check it out:

  • The pastors of sixteen churches where attendance was dropping said that kids in sports was the number one reason why less people were coming to church.
  • More than one third of churchgoers in a separate study said that school- and sports-related activities were "quite a bit of an issue" when considering their church attendance.
  • Of those who only attend church a couple of times a year, more than two-thirds said they were too busy with other things, naming school- and sports-related activities as the biggest competitor for church attendance.

In other words, lots of people are going to church less so they can play sports more.

Why does that matter?

Church is more than just a building. It’s more than a place to hear a good sermon or sing a few worship songs. Church is the place where we are discipled to be more like Christ, where we ask for accountability from other Christians, where we can serve others often. For Christians, church shouldn’t be optional.

And yet, for many of us a busy schedule tends to push church down on the list of priorities. And church attendance isn’t the only place we see a flag on the play. I don’t have an article full of stats to back this up, but my time with teenage girls tells me that busyness also makes it hard to do some of the other essentials of the Christian life such as prayer and Bible study.

I’m not saying that sports are bad. It is possible to be an athlete and have a strong faith. I’m not claiming that the Bible says that when it comes to sports all Christians must sit the bench. But I would like us all to think through what we are really gaining through all of those practices, games, and tournaments.

If you’re involved in sports, it’s likely that you do it for the love of the game or as a way to get involved in what’s happening in your school. No problem there, but it is wise to ask yourself if being involved in sports or other extracurricular activities is pulling you away from something more important and kingdom-focused.

In Matthew 6:33, Jesus gave this simple advice:

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Kingdom priorities are to be our top priority. Anything that competes for seeking God and His kingdom first simply isn’t worth it.

With that in mind, I’d like you to think through the questions below. Leave us a comment with your answers.

  • Does my participation in sports make it hard for me to be regularly involved in church and youth group?
  • Does my practice and game schedule for sports make me feel too tired to pray and read my Bible on a regular basis?
  • Judging by my schedule, what am I putting first—God’s kingdom or my activities?

What's The Big Stink About Submission?

When you think of a woman who’s a champion athlete, model, and celebrity, you might not use the word "submissive" to describe her. But that’s exactly how Gabrielle Reece describes herself when talking about her marriage.

Gabrielle has made a name for herself as a professional volleyball player, but recently she’s made headlines for something she said off the court. In her new memoir she wrote:

To truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and—look out, here it comes—submissive.

That little sentence ignited a media firestorm, including a few heated interviews and lots of Internet backlash.

strong womanReece responded by saying that she thinks submission is a "sign of strength."

I’m not telling you all of this to focus on a pro volleyball player and her marriage. I don’t know enough about Gabrielle Reece to know what submission means to her or what it looks like in her marriage. But I do think that such a loud reaction to one woman’s stance that submission is good for her marriage points to the way our culture tends to see the submission thing—for many "submission" has become a dirty word and an idea that makes them fighting mad.

And yet God’s Word says this:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph. 5:22).

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands (Eph. 5:24).

What is submission exactly?

To submit means to lay down your will for the will of someone else, to yield to, to let someone else call the shots. In the context of marriage, this means that it is God’s plan that ultimately the buck will stop with your man and that you won’t always fight for your way. But marriage isn’t the only context that God calls us to submit.

In Hebrews 13:17, He asks us to submit to our spiritual leaders (such as pastors, youth pastors, and Christian mentors).

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Ephesians 5:21 asks us to approach other Christians with an attitude of submission out of respect for Christ.

All of these situations are just practice for the ultimate relationship where we are called to submit.

James 4:7 states it plainly, "Submit yourselves therefore to God."

As Christians, God asks us to submit. That means instead of constantly fighting for our way, we are to defer to the requests and needs of others. When it comes to our relationship with God, we are to willingly swap our will for His.

Clearly, this is not a popular idea. In fact, it may make people mad if we choose to submit. We are likely to face our own internal fight as well. Submission isn’t easy. Perhaps Gabrielle is right, maybe it is a sign of strength, because it takes a strong woman to defer to others.

From pro volleyball players to average gals like me, we will likely all have to wrestle with the concept of submission at some point. We can choose to join the roar of the crowd, which screams that submission is crazy and outdated, or we can listen to the Word of God and ask Him to show us His plan for how we relate to others.

Does submission seem like a dirty word to you? Why do you think the culture gets so angry about the idea of submission? Do you agree with Gabrielle that submission is a sign of strength?

To Moms Everywhere . . .

There’s not a potted plant pretty enough to say all that needs to be said to you. There’s not a Hallmark card sweet enough to sum up our gratitude.

Mommas, you are the warriors of our world. You are equal parts soft and strong. You are paramedics, nutritionists, comforters, counselors, personal shoppers and chefs, teachers, and principals. You are life-givers and life-enrichers. Let’s face it, without you we’d all have candy for breakfast and stomach aches by lunchtime. We would feel lost in this big, scary world, but you tether us to the soft edges of home. You guide, instruct, nurture, and pray.

And all of this even though your job is often thankless. There is always one more load of laundry to fold. One more crisis to resolve. One more meal to cook. Being a mother means a lifetime of work that seems small but adds up to big stakes in the lives of your children (and their children, and their children . . .).

I know, because I’m a momma too. Because every single day I have a brief moment where I consider faking the flu so I can stay in bed and let the inmates go ahead and run the asylum. Because I know motherhood is the toughest job I will ever do, and there are no guarantees that all that effort will translate into the fantasy family in my head. Because I know our culture doesn’t get it and doesn’t esteem motherhood anymore, making our work feel even more unnoticed and unappreciated.

Because of all this, and more, I didn’t want to miss the chance to be the balm your tired mom feet may need. Or rather, to let God’s Word do that work for me:

“‘I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him saying, ‘Lord, when did you see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’” (Matt. 25:36–40)

Clothing little bodies. Putting cold washcloths on warm foreheads. Making endless plates of mac n’ cheese. Creating a home that says, “You’re welcome here any time.” Gassing up the car again to visit children and grandchildren in far away places. It doesn’t go unnoticed, momma. And the ripple effect of your efforts to mother go far beyond your children. Look past the “least of these” in your world, and see that your service and sacrifice has Kingdom implications.

You don’t have to work to be noticed, because Jesus already sees all you do. Your prize isn’t just a great Mother’s Day gift or a fancy brunch. It’s knowing your life is a living demonstration that sacrifice is worth it, that love doesn’t have to be earned, and that living for more than ourselves is worth every mess, stretch mark, and sleepless night.

So moms everywhere, I salute you—but you don’t need my props. Your work is God-honoring and eternal. The treasures you are storing up will outlast this Mother’s Day (and the next one, and the next one . . .).

Your family is a gift, momma, and your thank-you card has already been delivered through God’s Word. Press in to the One who gave them to you, and press on!

PS: Need to be encouraged in your role as a mom? Take our 30-Day Mom Makeover here.

PPS: Get my eBook, Beyond Bath Time, for just $1.99 through May 15.

Sticks And Stones And Broken Hearts


 

 

The video above tells a powerful story of the effects of bullying. For today’s post, I’d like to simply use this video as a jumping off point to launch a discussion about words, bullying, and hope.

Here are a few questions to consider in your comments.

  • What names have you been called that have left scars on your heart?
  • Have you called others names? What can you do to make that right?
  • Jesus was bullied. He was called names and accused falsely. What can we learn through the way He handled such mistreatment?
  • What is the difference between letting God define you and simply ignoring bullies or standing up for yourself? 

A Radical Way To Pray For Mother's Day

FACT: Only 9 percent of teenagers say that they definitely plan to become parents in their early adult years. giving Mommy a kiss

FACT: About half of the public says it makes no difference that a growing number of women don’t ever plan to have children.

What do those numbers mean?

They mean that fewer and fewer girls your age ever plan to become mommas. There are probably lots of reasons for that, but the bottom line is that we live in a culture that no longer holds up motherhood as an important role. As a result, more and more young women are saying "no thanks" to the idea of becoming mothers.

Since Mother’s Day is fast approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about this trend. I’ve been thinking about you and wondering if "mommy" feels like a bad word in your vocabulary. Are you among the 90 percent of young women who don’t plan to become mothers, or among the radical minority looking forward to motherhood someday?

For a long time I pitched my tent in the first camp. For all of my teenage years and most of my young adult life, I wanted nothing to do with motherhood. Career? You betcha! "Big" ministry for God? Yes, please! But motherhood? No way!

This is one area where God has done major open heart surgery on me. Through His Word, He has shown me that motherhood is a high and holy calling. Now, three kids later, I shudder to think about what I might have missed if I’d stuck to my boycott of motherhood.

Check out what God says about children in Psalm 127:

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
When he speaks with his enemies in the gate (vv. 3–5).

There’s some old-fashioned sounding language there. Let me see if I can sum it up in modern talk.

  • Children are a blessing from God.
  • Being a momma is a reward, not a curse.
  • Children are like ammunition for the battle.
  • They should be a source of respect, even among our enemies.

The culture may say that children are a burden. You may have even bought into some of that. But God’s Word is clear—children are a blessing.

I’m not saying you all need to rush out and become mommas ASAP. (I know you still have math homework!) But this Mother’s Day, I’d love for you to start praying a new prayer. Something like …

"God, would You show me Your heart for motherhood? And help me to be open to Your plans for my future family? Amen."

It may be a long time before you receive a Mother’s Day card with your name on it. And for some of you, motherhood may not be in God’s plan for you at all. But the clear message of Scripture is that children are a blessing and motherhood is a good thing.

It’s a lesson I wish I’d learned a few Mother’s Days sooner.

Can You Honor Mom If You Can't Get Along?

mother and teen daughterThis week wraps up with Mother’s Day, a holiday dedicated to telling mom how great she is and showering her with love, gifts, and words of affirmation.

But …

What if your mom isn’t so great?
What if your mom has disappointed you? Or you just can’t seem to get along with her? Or she’s not in the picture at all?

There isn’t exactly a Mother’s Day card dedicated to saying all of that! If you find that it’s hard for you to express love to your mom this Mother’s Day, here are a few points to ponder.

Honor—No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts

Over and over in Scripture, God commands us to "honor" our parents. Here are a couple of examples.

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you" (Ex. 20:12).

"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise) (Eph. 6:2).

Notice that there is no escape clause at the end of these verses. God doesn’t say honor your mother, unless she really gets on your nerves. Or honor your mother, unless her rules seem unreasonable. Or even honor your mother, unless she’s been a really crummy mom. In fact, it doesn’t talk about what kind of moms should be honored at all in these passages. That’s because God knows that we will want to find loopholes and push back against this particular commandment.  

To honor means to treat with respect. That doesn’t have to mean warm fuzzies, but it does mean to talk to your mom respectfully and to honor or follow her rules.

Even if your relationship with your mom is less than perfect right now, look for ways to honor her this Mother’s Day.

Try …

  1. Vowing not to argue or talk back for the entire day. (No eye rolling either!)
  2. Doing what she asks the first time.
  3. Writing her a card or letter that tells her what you respect about her. (I bet you can think of at least one thing!)

Be a Peacemaker

There are always two sides to every story. If your have a difficult relationship with your mom, it is likely that you are both at fault. However, since this blog isn’t liesmomsbelieve.com, I’ll have to stick to advising you in your unique role in your relationship with your mom.

Matthew 5:9 says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." (Note: You’ll learn more about this verse soon as part of Paula’s series on the Beatitudes.)

If we want to be recognizable as God’s children, we need to make peace.

As Mother’s Day approaches, ask yourself these questions:

  1. In what ways am I contributing to the difficulties my mom and I are having?
  2. What can I do to make my relationship with my mom better?
  3. Is there anything I need to apologize to my mom for?

I bet your mom would accept your attempts to make peace with her as a beautiful gift this Mother’s Day.

Look For a Spiritual Mother

What if your mom isn’t in the picture? Then what? You can’t exactly honor or make peace with someone who isn’t there, can you?

First, let me say that to those of you who have lost a mom to death or divorce, I am so sorry. Your loss is huge, and I’d imagine that this is a particularly difficult holiday for you. But God sees your loss and heartbreak, and He calls His Church to reach out to you.

Galatians 4:27 says, "For it is written, ‘Rejoice, O barren one who does not bear; break forth and cry aloud, you who are not in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than those of the one who has a husband.’"

At first glance, this verse doesn’t seem to make much sense. How can a barren woman have more children than a woman with a husband? Why should a woman who cannot have children of her own rejoice? God is calling women to "spiritual mothering." It’s an idea repeated in other places in Scripture like Titus 2:3–5.

If your mom is out of the picture, ask the Lord to provide someone who can mentor, love, and guide you.  No one will be able to replace your mother, of course, but it is possible for a wise, Christian woman to mother and nurture you.

You might consider taking a proactive approach instead of waiting for a spiritual mother to drop into your lap. Who are some women you respect and admire? Ask if you can spend some time with them. (Coffee? Sushi? Lunch date?) Invite them to be a part of your life.  

The bottom line is that the mother/daughter relationship doesn’t always feel like a Hallmark card. This holiday may be a reminder that you want your relationship with your mom to be better. Don’t spend the day wishing you had a different mom; do what you can to make your relationship as strong as it can be.

Let’s get that started right now. Tell me three things you respect about your mom in a comment below or three ways you plan to make peace. No flowers or mushy cards required. 

The Big Mistake Your Tongue May Be Making

Is your tongue on fire? That’s the question I posed in Tuesday’s blog post based on James 3:5–9. That passage says:

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.

gossipingJames was making a powerful point that we tend to forget—just like a single spark can burn a forest to the ground, our words (even just a few of them) have the power to destroy. If you take a minute to let James’ words sink in, it’s obvious that he’s speaking the truth. You’ve been burned by the words of others, haven’t you? And I bet you’ve allowed your words to singe others in return.

If we keep reading just a little bit further, we find a specific way our words can scald:

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so (v. 10).

James specifically addresses "my brothers" in this verse, but I have a hunch that James knew a thing about girl-world when he penned these words. We’re exceptionally good at spouting blessings and curses simultaneously. What might that sound like?

"She’s really pretty, but she can be so stuck up."
"Yeah, she’s nice, but sometimes she really gets on my nerves."
"She’s such a flirt, but I just love her to death."

Blessings and curses coming out of the same mouth … often in the same sentence. We girls know how to sugarcoat our burning words, don’t we? But James simply reminds us that "these things ought not to be so."

In other words, stick to the blessings and ditch the curses all together. You’ve got no business using your words to tear down others, even if you wrap it in a compliment.

But sometimes, we just need to vent, right? After all, we’re just being honest. If you’ve ever justified blessing and cursing that way, you need to check this out:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Eph. 4:29).

This verse draws a hard line in the sand. If it tears others down, don’t say it. If it builds others up, do. Good advice in light of the fact that our tongues are a spark capable of setting an entire forest ablaze, huh?

‘Fraid you can’t straddle the fence here—you can either seek to tame your restless tongue by sticking to words that bless and build up, or you can keep starting fires by cursing and tearing down. So take a look at that hard line, and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Do you use your words to tear others down (even when they can’t hear you)?
  2. Do you refuse to say anything that is unwholesome? That means that if it is harmful, impure, or unhelpful, you don’t say it.
  3. Do you bless and curse at the same time? Do you wrap your put-downs
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